Ah, those old hardware stores.

That clears it right up.

 

Various Liquids: Price per ml.

How I found out I was fired

Hersey's New Nostalgia Wrappers

Nostalgic for what? Rampant Unemployment, Widespread Hunger?

Is it any wonder we're idjits?

Gay Dumb-assery

Gay Marriage Ban Impinges on the Civil Rights of Dumbasses

Any real Libertarian worth his salt would tell the government of keep their freakin' nose out of people's personal life. And any real Conservative should want the same thing.

But instead, those squalling crybabies are so threatened by the mere idea of some guy wanting to stick his penis within 2 feet of another guy's ass or face that they end up screwing the pooch instead. Their wives should divorce them take up with real men.

And speaking of putting a penis in an inopportune place: I don't think that means what you think it means, Senator Buttars

Want to know what it's like outside?

Get your own fucking weather.

If Life Begins at Conception then God is the Biggest Abortionist of All.

Fact: some researchers estimate the number of spontaneous abortions around the world to account for 50% of all pregnancies. Estimates for the US are about 25%.

If human life begins at conception as some would suggest, then the Christian God is the biggest abortionist of all, murdering over 25% of "his American children" before they've had a chance to be born, and murdering 50% of his children around the world sometime between conception and a live birth.


Illustration: Jesus Fetus from
FetusMart: the Magical Land of Fetuses

Here, At The Bottom Of The Shit Heap

First, DHS wants to shut down internet sites so Wall St. won't be inconvenienced when we all get the H1N1. Now the CDC is giving Wall St. H1N1 vaccines ahead of high risk groups. Do you see where the fuck you are in the pecking order, peasants?

Keeping Wall Street Safe at the expense of Pregnant Women, Children and the sickly

Now bow to your wealthy Masters.

Virginia Foxx Must Be So Proud

I didn't even realize that Virginia Foxx had a son. Or even that he was a Democrat. I guess that's why I've never heard her mention him. Anyway: Congratulations to Charlotte's new mayor, Anthony Foxx.

Socialism vs. Capitalism

Zombies, Frankenstien's Monster, Dracula and Jesus

Seriously, anybody find anything here that surprises them?

Government to shut down Intertubes during Flu Pandemic to protect Wall Street

http://www.gao.gov/new.items/d108.pdf

October 2009
INFLUENZA PANDEMIC

Key Securities Market Participants Are Making Progress, but Agencies Could Do More to Address Potential Internet Congestion and Encourage Readiness.

"Increased demand during a severe pandemic could exceed the capacities of Internet providers’ access networks for residential users and interfere with teleworkers in the securities market and other sectors, according to a DHS study and providers (see figure below). Private Internet providers have limited ability to prioritize traffic or take other actions that could assist critical teleworkers. Some actions, such as reducing customers’ transmission speeds or blocking popular Web sites, could negatively impact e-commerce and require government authorization.

However, DHS has not developed a strategy to address potential Internet congestion or worked with federal partners to ensure that sufficient authorities to act exist. It also has not assessed the feasibility of conducting a campaign to obtain public cooperation to reduce nonessential Internet use to relieve congestion. DHS also has not begun coordinating with other federal and private sector entities to assess other actions that could be taken or determine what authorities may be needed to act."


If you ask me, I'd say you should spend some of that Stimulus Money on Net Infrastructure. Hell, Japan's internet speeds are 30 times faster than the US: Link

"The Federal Communications Commission, which oversees all broadband market considers “200 kilobits per second” as the bench mark for broadband speed. This was set 12 years ago. Today, this speed is not even recognized as broadband speed in many countries."

So, DHS is just throwin' it out there. And rather than coming up with a sensible solution, decides that crippling access to a major nation-wide communication network is better than suggesting a tech upgrade. I might be old, but I'm not stupid.

BCBSNC Helpfully Sends Stationery

But since it needed some minor tweaking, I thought I might colorize it a bit.

And I cleared up the most heinous of their misconceptions while I was at it.

A patriot's fortune cookie

Really?

What if the city boosts it's income by writing bogus tickets?

Well, what do you expect from Confucianism.

People are Stupid. What are you going to do?

The BBC is kind enough to give Symantec a number of column inches to hawk their anti-virus ware. I wonder what kind of kickback the Beeb is getting?

You'd think somebody would invent an application that the poor idiot surfers could open to check links for them. And maybe wipe their bums while we're at it.

If it will keep them online and off the streets, hell, I'd pay for it out of my own pocket.

Dumbasses.

First Premier Bank and Their Rather Over-sized Sack.

Last week First Premier Bank did what all banks, in their heart of hearts, have longed to do all these years. It finally stripped off its sheep’s clothing.

And it didn’t stop there. It stood up, pulled out its money coated dick, waving it in our direction, screaming: “SUCK ON THIS, YOU STUPID, OVEREXTENDED MUTHERFUCKERS!!!"

They manned up and raised their credit card interest rates to 79.9%.

And then they had an orgasm.

And while I applaud their balls-to-the-walls free-market capitalism, I only have one question: Why does the banking system hate America?

Here is the long and short of it:

Reagan deregulated, well, everything at the behest of Donald Regan who was alternately Reagan’s Secretary of the Treasury and then his Chief of Staff (and before that CEO of Merrill Lynch). After that the markets could let their freak flags fly. They could open up new avenues of expansion, with new products. They could be competitive. They had been reigned in for half a century. Since the last Depression, actually and in all that time market regulation and business regulation and banking regulation and union strength had gone toward creating conditions that allowed a sturdy, plump middle class to develop and thrive. Sssssss….tasty, just like veal.

When Corporate Persons were encouraged to free-market their way to success and happiness, they licked the tip of their pinkies, dipped it in and took oh, so small a taste. And they liked it. So they rubbed some on their gums, and then they started snorting and pretty soon they were mainlining; moving businesses wholesale overseas with no penalties from our elected government officials. Paying local, yet slightly above slave wages, to children, women and the disabled who generally clocked about 60 hours a week. With no pesky American laws to constrain them, they didn’t have to provide even the most basic amenities expected by those lazy, overfed American fucks.

And they prospered.

And the countries they worked in prospered.

And the banks that worked for both of them prospered.

No not the people, you idiot, they don’t matter. Corporate Persons and the governments they colluded with prospered; jeeze, haven’t you been paying attention?

So, there is all this money pooling up. And money, in a capitalist system, is very much like water. It likes to move, it needs a swing beat so the people can dance. If it sits, it becomes stagnant and soon, too toxic to promote the healthy growth required to produce yet more money for Corporate Persons, the countries they exist in and their banks.

Need the volume of movement to increase? That’s where easy credit comes in. Providing easy credit first meant hobbling every usury law in the country. If you are going to let lowbrow townies borrow money, you’d best protect your investment with a little loan sharking, right?

So Reagan, the traitorous bastard, didn’t resist the results of the 1978 Supreme Court ruling in the case of Marquette vs. First Omaha Service Corp. This ruling helped eliminate state anti-usury laws that protected consumers from high fees and interest rates,. And state lawmakers, most likely at the behest of the banking lobby (who must have been providing a massive reach-around) allowed each state to set its own interest rates. States rights and all that, ya’ know? And, the law graciously explained, each credit card carried the interest rate of the state of issuance. It also provided a change in the minimum payment. Previously you were required to pay at least 5%. That rate was lowered to 2%. And a column showing card-holders the length of time it would take to pay the balance, if ONLY the minimum payment was made, disappeared. The banks agreed with Reagan and his VooDoo Economics tribe. Too much information just muddles your pretty little head.

South Dakota is best known for it's non-stop cow-fucking orgies. Having nobody else to screw, and given that they have no real banking industry to regulate, decides that the American consumer looks corn-fed enough for their tastes. So when the law passes, they put an ad on Craigslist inviting banks and Corporate Persons alike the pleasure of issuing cards from their state. Here’s something you can try at home. Go to your wallet, check your credit card. Chances are fairly good that it was issued out of South Dakota. New York, North Carolina and just about every other state with more than a money stuffed mattress for a vault, turned to their constituents, shrugged their collective shoulders, pointing toward South Dakota saying: “We’ve got to raise rates. We can’t help it; we’ve got to stay competitive.”

God help me but, American’s didn’t care. Years of an unprecedented diet of social mass marketing by way of Dallas, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, Knot’s Landing and Dynasty, (thank you Edward Bernays) America’s middle class took a good look at the hovels they had previously considered adequate, now seeing them for the shit-smeared, filth-strewn dumps they really were. After that it was like a beer chugging contest at the bar where all the biker rejects hang out. They pour a pitcher down their throats, their gag reflex kicks in and they puke quarts of foamy beer back into their pitcher. But, desperate to avoid being bested by the other bloated, greasy losers they are forced to hang out with, they tip the pitcher up and pour it down again (And no, this is not an exaggeration. I used to work at that bar); except, of course, with Martha Stewart.

The American middle class, sporting the most pervasive set of beer-goggles in history, went dancing on the bar, looking in the mirror and thinking about how attractive it was. How funny and witty and how, really, every one must envy it. It didn’t have the presence of mind to notice the banking industry over in the corner doing some blow, popping a Viagra and checking the Roofies in their pockets; just to make sure they were still handy. Just in case.

It’s a bright and sunny morning after and American’s are just now waking up. They ache all over. They feel dizzy and sick. And although they have not quite yet opened their eyes, they sense, in that hung-over morning fog, that something has gone horribly, horribly wrong.

And in the days that follow, there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Americans will scream, full of righteous indignation, that there should have been some law. Somebody should have regulated how much and under what circumstances. Somebody should have been looking out for me!!!!!

If I were you, I would then point them to people like my friend, a local small business owner, who says that the Federal Government has no right regulating, well, according to him, anything. Businesses (also according to him) will do the right thing if you just give them the opportunity. He and millions of others like him across the country thought Reagan’s deregulation policies were Heaven sent. Like Reagan himself. Heaven sent.

From a (rather misguided) Church Bulletin

No Photoshop, No Joke. The product of a blissfully unaware mind.